Ruined For Life?
In under a week I will be a Jesuit Volunteer. Not to be over dramatic and alarmist, but everything is about to change for me. The transition from college to…well…not college is a big one for many people. While lots of my friends are looking for jobs or starting graduate programs, I decided to join JVC Northwest. Over the past few months as I have been preparing (or avoiding preparing as is more generally the case) for this transition, many people have asked me when and why I decided to make this commitment. Honestly, this is because many of my friends think I’m totally crazy.
My commitment is for one year in Bethel, Alaska. I will live in community with other JVs and attempt to incorporate JVCs four core values of community, simplicity, spirituality, social and ecological justice into my life in tangible ways. If I look at it another way: I’m moving somewhere I’ve never been with people I’ve never met to work a job which I am completely unqualified to do. When I look at it that way, no wonder people think I’m crazy.
The truth is I have no idea when I decided that I wanted to do this. I have friends who were JVs. But I think the idea was planted in my head from birth. My mom was a JV. I grew up hearing about her experiences and meeting her friends whom she had met through JVC. One of my earliest memories is of a JVC reunion in Texas. Somewhere along the way I thought that I would probably do it too. I once talked to my younger sister about this, and she sees it much the same way: it seems like the natural next step.
When I started thinking about what to do once I graduated from college, I entertained possibilities of grad school, internships, and other volunteer programs but really never wavered from my plan to be a Jesuit Volunteer. The application process is lengthy and requires a lot of writing and a lot of personal discernment. I started it later than I should have: I’m a chronic procrastinator. I only gave myself about a week to do the whole application. I got to the question ‘Why do you want to be a Jesuit Volunteer’ and was a bit stuck. I really didn’t know how to answer that question. I was stumped. I sat, staring at my laptop screen for a long time. Hours probably. I avoided it for days. Hoping something would come to me. I started having doubts. Maybe I hadn’t thought this through as well as I thought I had. I finally decided to continue on with the application and come back.
One of the next steps was to read the covenant- the commitment that JVs make to guide them to live out those four core values. As I read it, tears welled up in my eyes. I was overwhelmed with the beauty of the commitment that JVC asks its volunteers to make. This was why I wanted to be a JV. In that two-page commitment I later signed, I saw who I wanted to become. So many of my spiritual desires were right there on the page in front of me. I want to be a Jesuit Volunteer because I want to be “ruined for life”.
In the end, I’m ok with my friends thinking I’m a little bit crazy. I’m also ok with my moments of panic at the coming transition. While my nerves are pretty obvious and expected- a natural reaction to change- they also indicate something more to me. I think I’m nervous in part because I know that I will learn and grow and be changed by this experience. And maybe, if I’m lucky I’ll be “ruined for life”.
Photo: “Bethel Winter“by Images of Life from Flickr (Used under Creative Commons license)
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