I Need You
Written by: Lisa Kelly
For the next four months our family is living in San Salvador while my husband is on sabbatical and writing a book on Rutilio Grande, the first Jesuit killed here during the civil war of the 70’s and 80’s. We were eager to expose our kids to not only another culture, but also the realities of the developing world. We are inspired to work and pray on the same hallowed ground as the Jesuit and Church women martyrs. And we are so blessed to have the time as a family away from the busyness of life in the States, to reflect upon how we live this Ignatian life.I was asked yesterday what I missed the most? What’s the hardest part of trying to live and raise a family in a way that doesn’t exactly fit the American norm? My mind shot to the laundry list of items we had sent down from US grocery stores—chocolate chips, candy corns, books in English just to name a few. But living without the comforts of home really isn’t that challenging to the soul. How about facing daily the dangers of life in the developing world like blatantly unsafe conditions, vicious crime, or the constant threat of disease? In all honesty, those really don’t affect me that much. I have the ability with my credit card to be freed of many of the hazards of life that so many around me suffer daily. In truth, living abroad, even in a developing country, is very do-able these days. But in reflecting upon the question, I realized the most difficult part of living this Ignatian Life, of being as they say “ruined” by God, was the same here as in the States, as in Africa, as it would be anywhere on Earth; The hardest part is trying to find or build the community of others who ‘get it.’
Being “ruined” tends to mean we no longer fit in fully anywhere. We don’t fit in with the elite of the country with whom our children attend school, some of whom have an open disdain for the poor. We don’t fully fit in with the campesinos who show us so much hospitality even though we in no way share the daily grind of their lives on dirt floors under tin roofs working for $6 a day. So we long for a community of our own which shares our spirituality, helps us to find the face of God in the suffering, and inspires us to live the faith that does justice. Trying to do that on your own is like constantly swimming upstream against the current of materialism, fear, and self-interest.
While I know Ignatian spirituality is designed to discern individual calling, I also know that Ignatius and his companions relied on each other for the strength to live that unique calling. By far, the greatest gift of our experience in El Salvador has been the open companionship of the Jesuits and others from the Jesuit world with whom we find ourselves traveling this road. To be so far from home and yet instantly have a bond with another person you have never met before, not because they speak your verbal language but your spiritual language, to meet that person is to come home to a place you’ve never been before. Our Jesuit companions both at home and here have welcomed and supported us with open arms. As a lay woman I have such consolation to feel so “included” in this network that spans the Earth. But, at the same time, we are not fully a part of the Jesuit community either. They have their own residences and support systems and do not face the same struggles in raising children or sustaining marriage that we do.
And so what I came to realize in discerning what is the hardest part of living this faith as a lay family here (or anywhere) is ….finding you. You reading this blog. You who seeks with me to understand and live this Ignatian life. You, whom I’ve most likely never met, but know we together are called to live differently in this world. Finding you, knowing you are out there, being connected to and sustained by your faith and acts of justice, that is the greatest challenge of this Ignatian life for me.
So to whomever you are reading this blog, taking the time to once in a while reflect and discern what it means to know Jesus in this way, know this: I need you. I miss you! Life without you on this Earth would be pure desolation. But just knowing you are out there walking the walk too, empowers me to walk it as well. I just need to know there are others who live in this tension with me and that there is “somewhere” that I truly fit in. I know it is not a physical place we share, but in knowing itself.
Photo: “Group Hug” by snarlenarle from Flickr (Used under Creative Commons license)
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We are out there Lisa! And we try to be ‘companions in the Lord’ together with each other
Take heart, that we are part of something much bigger than ourselves, companions on mission. Somehow, we try to use the interwebs to stay in connection with one another and share together the perspectives of the Kingdom we are discovering and deepening together in our relationships and through coming together at the common table of the Eucharist. Even a text message or an email to another companion on mission can mean a world of difference, and all the gifts of this way come flooding back in a moment and, as you say, we realise why we are in this together. And we recognise that our standard is the cross.
As this missionary states: “May I take this opportunity to thank all of you: Jesuits and lay partners who have supported me and those of us working overseas. You cannot imagine – you have made such a big contribution to my spiritual, psychological and emotional life through your constant emails, sms, cards, phone calls and letters. I thank you all and ask that you continue to support those working in other parts of our Assistancy and in other parts of the world. ” http://www.express.org.au/article.aspx?aeid=15287
Thank you very much for the article. I really imagined myself in your shoes – I think I experience something very similar. No matter I haven’t got a family but it really feels that the Jesuits who are in the town about an hour away from my town are my family – people who support me in ways they don’t even know. Just the way you’ve put it:
“To be so far from home and yet instantly have a bond with another person you have never met before, not because they speak your verbal language but your spiritual language, to meet that person is to come home to a place you’ve never been before.”
I’m studying abroad right now and I was very involved with probably everything Jesuits did back home. It is a bit easier to go somewhere you don’t know when there are people who speak the same spiritual language. I knew that I will be very much welcomed!
…And it’s amazing to meet ‘random people’ who are in any ways connected with Ignatian spirituality – having friends Jesuits, having spiritual direction with one of them etc.
All for AMDG!
Dear Lisa,
You know that Our Lord and Savior is with you every moment of every day. He is by your side always. He is with you right now. He is with Aura right now. He is with James right now. Knowing that Jesus is with us is so comforting no matter where we are. His presence makes life so peaceful no matter what we are doing. There are people all over the earth who feel this way. You are near some of them now. You will know it when you meet them. They too will shine when you meet them.
May the peace, grace, mercy, and love of Our Lord and Savior be with you and yours for eternity.
Your post highlights one of the best aspects of being connected online. We can find others “out there,” whether near or far, who “get it” and “get us.” While the computer can never replace the real interactions of face-to-face relationships, it is good as a reminder that people are sharing a spiritual journey with us throughout the world.
It’s nice to have found you among the “ruined”! I’m struggling with this as well, as mother, teacher, spouse, theologian, writer. My image is of an anchoress within the walls of a church – arms stretched out between heaven and earth.
Dear Lisa,
I live in a developing country and I try to live and walk the Ignatian spirituality. I can relate to your experience and support you through prayer. Hang in there. There are many, many ways you can find God in a third-world setting. He will yet surprise you and amaze you. I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. His grace will sustain you. Be blessed!
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